“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo. “So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
I love this quote by J.R.R. Tolkien from his masterpiece The Lord of the Rings. The exchange is between Frodo Baggins and Gandalf the grey wizard. Frodo has been chosen to bear the burden of carrying the ring of power to its destruction, but the journey is riddled with peril. In a dark moment of despair, Frodo let’s out his fear and frustration with his situation. The scene plays well in the film adaptation by Peter Jackson. Gandalf hears Frodo’s words, lets the grief hang in the air between them, and then offers encouragement.
I’ve seen these words on social media the past few weeks. I believe the significance of it applies to all of us who’ve had our world and every day normalcy turned upside down through Covid-19.
Pretty sure I uttered Frodo’s contribution to that conversation a few times already. “I wish this hadn’t happened in my time…” Who wouldn’t with the news we’ve heard coming out across the world? I’ve said some version of this from my position as a first year senior pastor of a community church in Vermont. While I know that congregational ministry can offer new challenges every day, nothing from my past 7 years of student ministry nor my time spent in higher education and seminary truly prepared me for what I’m experiencing now. I, and everybody else, are in uncharted territory.
There is an unspoken pressure within our society today to rename “challenges” as “opportunities”. I know I’ve used expressions with words like creative, re-imagine, and explore to talk with my congregation about how we are moving forward. Those words are authentic and I admit there is some real excitement behind them. But, there is also some anxiety and self imposed pressure behind them too.
The pressure to translate worship to a completely online platform.
The pressure to experiment with alternative pastoral presence techniques.
The pressure to stay connected.
The pressure to accept the practices that worked last week might need to be let go and re-thought the following week.
The pressure to become proficient in Zoom videoing.
The pressure to generate digital content that is high quality and spiritually inspiring.
Let be clear, yes, part of doing some of this might be exciting at times. Part of addressing the mediums of connecting with folks through alternative means can open a lot of doors. One such story that I’ve seen was with one of my own parishioners family members who lives states away and has started joining us online the past few Sundays since their church didn’t have the means to Live-stream or record their Sunday services. It’s amazing that something like this could happen. It’s amazing my church has the ability to offer this. And it’s amazing we live in a time where this is possible. However, I can hold this moment in awe and see the value it offers, while at the same time, authentically admit that while it’s amazing...It’s not what I envisioned I’d be doing.
I didn’t want to be a “digitized” pastor. I just want to be a pastor in a community where I can sit with folks and walk with them on a shared journey.
One of the tools I was gifted in seminary was language that granted me the ability to name those practices that offer me consolation and those that offer desolation. Moments of consolation for me during this time are having conversations with mentors who are helping me process constructively certain issues while laughing at the absurdity of it all over the phone. Moments of desolation see me stressing over audio and visual quality of videos I’ve tried to make 3 times already with different issues arising every time I hit the record button. The hope is that somehow the Spirit is granting me the ability to learn in both instances; to encourage me during those edifying conversations and to learn and accept that I don’t have to be on the cutting technological edge or cave to the pressure of being a wiz at making videos.
It’s at those times I need to remember Gandalf’s words to Frodo, “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” Moving forward, for me this means leaning into those moments that give me life, while reigning in those practices that threaten to suck the life out of me. We all have this choice, a choice to decide, and we have the opportune time to do it.
Let’s make the most of it. And let’s not smash our computers in the process if we can help it.
As you were,
#tBSB